I had a situation happen at the end of last year that really tripped me up. It left me questioning a relationship and questioning my value. I found myself struggling with insecurity and my identity. I was surprised and even embarrassed at how much this situation negatively impacted me. I thought I had these things worked out! The whole thing seemed silly in my mind yet all these feelings surfaced in my heart. I immediately took it to the Lord in prayer. I poured out my heart and asked Him to guide and direct my steps. I wanted to handle this situation right and work through it as quickly as possible! S.O.S, Lord! I need help now! Please make it fast! An instant download to my brain and heart would be great!
I remember confiding in a treasured friend about the situation and she encouraged me to read the book, “Uninvited” by Lisa TurKeurst. I don’t believe it was coincidence because it spoke to the root of what I was dealing with, rejection, and God began to work on my heart!
But it was a slow work! No instant download here. It was more like an old school computer that took a week! Ugh! I soon realized I was in spiritual surgery! I tried to submit myself to the process. I tried to give up the entire situation to God. I definitely tried. But at times I found myself impatient.
I remember one night in particular, I was driving and agonizing over the situation and wanting to fix it! Then a “fix it” strategy came to mind. Yes this was the answer! And it was Biblical too! I would implement it that very day! But then I remembered that God clearly told me before in prayer that He would take care of the situation! I felt torn! What should I do?! I parked the car and called my husband. I told him all about my Biblical “fix it” plan but how God also told me He would take care of it! I asked him what I should do? It seems laughable even as I type. Duh! The choice was clear! And in my heart I knew what I needed to do! But I was struggling to make the right choice. Why was this so difficult for me? The answer: I didn’t want to let go.
My husband encouraged me to trust God and put the situation in His capable hands. In that moment, I made the decision to give the situation up to God. I threw out my “fix it” strategy and drove home.
After this, I focused on the spiritual surgery that was happening in my life! And God began to do a beautiful work in me. I did really well leaving everything in God’s hands.
But then as time passed, the situation was still not fixed! How was God “taking care of it” if it wasn’t fixed? I didn’t understand. I found myself grasping for control. I vacillated between leaving it in God’s hands and then taking it back again!
The whole thing came to a head when I woke up one morning with the situation weighing heavy on my heart! My husband asked if everything was okay since I woke up in the middle of the night to pray. I told him my thoughts about everything and what I was struggling with. He lovingly but firmly told me I needed to let go! I got frustrated and told him he didn’t understand. I was trying! But as I sat there and pondered my husband’s words I realized I needed to submit to his gentle correction; to God’s gentle correction. I immediately went to my prayer chair and poured my heart out to God once again. I realized that I had only let go of what I wanted to let go of: the actual situation. But I still held on tightly to everything else. I had trusted God with my dilemma but now it was time to trust Him with my heart. I humbled myself in that moment and gave up! Everything this time!
The situation is still not “fixed” according to my standards but I am striving to choose to leave it and my heart in God’s capable hands. He knows what’s best for me and wants the best for me! The situation may never reach “fixed” status. I accept this and I hold fast to His Word:
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:9 (NKJV)
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
Are you struggling to give control over your situation to God? Are you having a hard time trusting Him with everything, including your heart? Hear Him gently asking you today to “Please, give up!” He’s waiting for you with open arms and capable hands!